In light of recent ‘special military operations’ from Russia I found myself questioning what I wanted “to do” if things should go nuclear (literally). My conclusion: All I’ve ever wanted is to feel loved. Not told I’m loved while I’m ridiculed, not ‘shown love’ however others choose to show it — for me, in my soul, to feel loved. And I do.
I feel loved today, not only by my romantic partner, by friends and acquaintances who resonate with what I share about my life. Most importantly, I am loved by me. I love my creativity and my desire to be kind—even though I can seem cruel when my boundaries go up. That is something I work toward analyzing and adjusting to be firm and fair. I fumble and falter, I love that I can be honest with myself. I love that I can feel safe today because I know I am capable of speaking up and walking away for my well-being. I am my own guardian and I value my personal well-being in all things.
I am filled with gratitude and love because I dared to honor who I am without (too much) apology. Mister is still helping me dissolve the “I’m sorry” for existing pattern I developed in life. I believe feeling accepted is a desire we all hold in our hearts, even those who may never admit it (because life has hardened them to building walls with no entry). I was nearly walled off myself, I isolated for a few years before I could be open again. The difference on walls and boundaries is allowing souls that feel safe to know you, to see you and to love you.
If this existence comes to an end, I am so honored and grateful to have met the wonderful sweet souls I know today. You are everything. I know we all have struggles we selectively speak on and sometimes we need someone to lean on. Thank you to those who’ve shown me support! There are not enough words to properly express how incredible you are for choosing kindness while you struggle through this world-wide chaotic lifetime.
We do not know what tomorrow brings, only time will tell. Even though the world is tumultuous today, I feel an inner peace with where life has led me. Tomorrow isn’t promised and yesterday is past, all we have is here and now, it is a present to be alive.
My thoughts are with the Ukrainian people. May those currently fleeing and fighting to survive find safety or meet a quick end. Having overlooked the Afghanistan war as an aviation operations specialist I know too well that there will be casualties. To those who meet loss in this aggressive situation, may your mourning feel healing so that you may survive to see days of thriving in your future. Stay brave.
Be well, sweet souls. 💛
If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!