The very foundation to ‘faking it‘ requires lies and denial. Those who practice deceit and double lives are always in a state of competition and survival. Dishonesty limits the capacity of relationships because deeper connections require authenticity and accountability. Unfortunately, there is a societal pressure: if you don’t ‘fit in’ then you’re cast out.
In my early years of development I was practically desperate to be accepted by others. Having the brand of ‘slut’ in elementary school created an obstacle when building relationships. Kids can be cruel is often the excuse for that scenario and it’s interesting to me that few will acknowledge kids are conditioned to be cruel. Growing up in an abusive home makes the psyche believe that abuse is an expression of love or how to express anger or sadness.
We cannot make anyone else be, think or feel any different than they believe. Adult, matured relationships are about accepting differences and encouraging progress or leaving folks alone when you’re not in sync. Unfortunately, many adults never mature because of their conditioning—they think the abuse is love. Out here faking a fulfilled life while loathing their very existence internally to the point it spills onto others in visceral shames and devaluation.
No one else can change your mentality. Healing is hard work and a giant chunk of that is introspection and accountability to take complete inventory of who you are and how you behave. We all know innately what is compassion and what is cruelty. The monument of the task to heal is why there are far more suffering in the world than feeling the calm of healing. Authenticity is required because faking life is living in denial.
It’s ok and completely normal to have a degree of denial with difficult situations. Our brain will literally shut down in deeply traumatizing scenarios to protect us. This is why some souls have periods of blacked out memory, reality is too intense for the psyche to face. We can all endure varying stresses in very different ways too. All of this is normal even though few will speak openly or even be aware personally that they’re in denial.
We can train our brains. The mind is a muscle and that is why unhealthy conditioning is possible and healthy conditioning takes practice and discipline to obtain after living in dysfunctional patterns. No one changes in an instant and none of us are completely the same — that’s the fun of life, variety. A therapist or psych professional you trust is the most ideal scenario to practice unlearning dysfunction and relearning healthy habits. You got this.
Be well, sweet souls. 💛
If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!