Slut Shaming, Kinks & Consent

According to outsiders, I’ve been a whore or a slut since I was eight because boys bragged about bedding me and I was shamed for it. Thanks assholes. The reality is that I was molested at age 6 by a neighbor boy and developed curiosity about sex before I even knew its purpose, I was a child. The neighbor confessed his molestation of me as an adult, seeking my forgiveness. He later proceeded to cup his hand over my vagina in prayer to heal the pain of my past sexual assaults. While his intentions may have been well-meaning his actions only added to the tally of shit someone did to me in entitlement of my being without care for my consent in the matter.

If all parties are of mature age and have the cognitive faculty to be aware of the situation; kink on kinksters! There’s nothing wrong with varied sexuality or exploring sexual kinks, we are sexual creatures — we fuck because it feels amazing, not only to have babies. However, if you do not have consent or you manipulate a person out of their boundaries to get what you want then it becomes sexual assault. Period. You are violating that person by doing what you want without regard for their well-being. Lives are devastated (some ended) behind selfish acts without consent.

I’ve personally experienced unwanted sexualizing and rape within my own family as a female and the number of women who would read that and think ‘me too’ is heartbreaking. I am incredibly fortunate for my ability to endure and practice ways to process my emotional trauma wounds. Though I have had times in my life where death seemed much more inviting than living in lies. Those who were meant to protect me told me to remain silent about their violations of me and to this day are not accountable. I’m dramatic and crazy to think it’s not OK for family to fuck with me sexually. Ok.

Sexuality itself is natural, encouraging the sexualization of minors or family members is notably taboo and increasingly present in porn sites. I believe this flooding of ‘taboo’ content compounds a fundamental issue in society creating this subconscious idea that these acts are acceptable as a kink. Even though we recognize they’re ‘taboo’ seeing it so readily online makes it appear commonplace (yes, I know they’re actors — the idea of it is still present). If your kink VIOLATES a persons sense of well-being that’s not a kink, that’s a problem.

A woman embracing her sexuality is not a slut or a whore, we are not default sexual objects because a patriarchal society believes we ‘ought be so grateful anyone wants to fuck us.’ We deserve love and care from our partners. If you’re not looking for love or commitment; either be upfront about it so the woman has a choice to consent to friends with benefits OR you can utilize the plethora of sex work services to satisfy your desires without using and abusing every woman you find attractive. We are human beings, not commodities.

Women, you are worthy of the same love and respect you give. We are not free to mistreat men and hide behind excuses either. Men do not exist to serve us any more than we exist to sex them. Everyone matters and everyone deserves care and compassion. If you cannot give your romantic partner support, either because you’re hurt or it just isn’t how you operate — communicate the truth. Be adults and have authentic conversations to make informed choices in life.

We are all emotion-filled beings and your inability to respect a persons boundaries is an issue. No soul on this earth is deserving of being violated or abused. It is not being “too sensitive” to say that you are uncomfortable about anything, feelings are valid and deserve acknowledgement. Can feelings be irrational? Absolutely. That’s why consent is key and conversation can clarify confusions.

I’d love to have conversations about this with others as I acknowledge my own past experiences have influence on my beliefs. Personally, I cannot indulge in watching incest porn for pleasure because I become physically ill the moment I hear family titles, immediate mood killer. The audio of intimacy is what helps me achieve my goal and I know each porn consumer has their own preferences. I believe that porn and other forms of sex work are an asset that’s also unjustly shamed when it truly is the more responsible avenue for releasing sexual tensions with consent for a cost. Better than using, abusing and destroying lives for your sexual pleasures.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Published by Salley

www.salleysmile.com

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