Words Can Kill

To disregard feelings is to disregard a human being. We all have feelings and deserve to feel valued and appreciated by those we have in our life. Our society has a shame culture component that seems to be magnified online with belittling and devaluation in memes and trolling. All for the luls, right? Except it sometimes leads to suicide.

Yep, I dropped the S bomb. That is genuine reality: words do hurt and cruel words can poison our minds with lies of being unworthy. When your idea of humor is finding any quality to make someone feel small, you’re a problem. Bullying ought to be a grade school phase and adults ought to be capable of authentic accountability. Unfortunately many will choose denial and avoidance to hide from their own shame. This leads to shame projection, seeing the faults in others while avoiding self work.

Now we can bring up how the bully has trauma either at home or some other bully in their environment and that’s likely valid. Humans learn to be cruel, it’s not how children naturally enter this world. To be kind as an adult in a cruel world takes determination and discipline. Bullies are weak minded, incapable of facing their own darkness and tending their emotional wounds. The hurt of others provides a -temporary- sense of superiority. Calling out shameful things at others puts the focus away from their own.

The truth is that emotional and psychological healing is HARD, giving grace to people who are actively being cruel and refuse to reflect on their actions is HARD. Choosing to practice and live in kindness is not for the weak. This is why good, kind and authentic people are considered rare because so many will succumb to spreading shame to avoid their own healing. The internet serves as a breeding ground for hatred with so many believing they’re anonymous so their cruelties will not have any real world consequences.

We are continuously faced with choices in life, yay or nay. Some days I do not have the emotional fortitude to muster up kindness and I often focus on my own tasks to not put my foul mood on the world. I believe all of our choices matter and have consequences whether or not we’re aware of their cause. Reflecting on and making amends with the reality of our lived experiences is an adult responsibility. Those who fail to reflect inward are those who most likely project hurtful words or actions outward.

We all deserve to feel valued by ourselves and those in our environment. If you are feeling unsafe or unwanted where you are then you deserve to find a way out. Go where the love lives, where you feel validated and supported. I guarantee you it is life changing.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community or would appreciate an adult space online with focus on compassion over cruelty : consider my discord server! Designated mature (18+) and all known minors removed. Optional verification (ID required) for access to nsfw mature content. Multiple categories and activities on server can be (de)selected using reactions in the server 🔍INFO > #about-you channel (see ❗server-rules❕ for membership). You’re invited! “Keep it a goodvybe.”

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If you identify with the neurodivergent community or would appreciate an adult space online with focus on compassion over cruelty : consider goodvybe.gg ! Designated mature (18+) and all known minors removed. Optional verification (ID required) for access to nsfw mature content. Multiple categories and activities on server can be (de)selected using reactions in the server 🔍INFO > #about-you channel (see ❗server-rules❕ for membership). You’re invited! “Keep it a goodvybe.”

Our Lives Are Not Universal

Humanity has held on to this concept of “common sense” to inject shame into socializing. When someone doesn’t know what you know, it can be a teachable moment. An introspect: Believing that others are stupid because they do not know what you know is a show of your impatience, not their intelligence. You do not want to share what you know or “waste time explaining” and shame their not knowing to dismiss the task of teaching them.

We are each unique and our life experiences shape our perceptions of existence. None of us know all the answers. We each have strengths and weaknesses that improve and impair our lived experience. The differences between us are what keep life interesting! We are meant to be different. It’s demanding that we all behave, think and feel the same that create cognitive distortions. To live in love and let live in peace could be life changing for the world and it’s not easy. Conflict is inevitable in a world of projections and demands.

What I have learned while exploring my desire to heal and make healthier choices:

  1. Not everyone will value you and it’s ok to cut or limit your time with them. Believe the bullies are intentional.
  2. Building boundaries can reveal hidden traits that disconnect friends and family. Honor your well-being.
  3. Intuition is our nervous system communicating safety. Note who makes you feel (un)safe. Find comfort.
  4. Surviving is strength, thriving is discipline.
  5. Change takes time.

Nothing about the healing journey is easy. It has even become a modern deflection “hope you heal those wounds” to dismiss strangers online. It’s not a coincidence those who pursue healing refer to it as putting in work. Accountability is not easy for many and it is vital to the healing process. We do not mend wounds we pretend don’t exist, that’s repression and leads to bigger rifts.

When we are capable of accountability is where we reflect on our choices and consequences in life, all experiences and outcomes. In awareness and accountability we are able to mend emotional / psychological wounds. It’s removing the I and asking why. Our behaviors or actions in life occur for a reason, something underlying. Rather than judging and scorning in bitter resentments, become curious: ask why. It is brave to heal.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community or would appreciate an adult space online with focus on compassion over cruelty : consider my discord server! Designated mature (18+) and all known minors removed. Optional verification (ID required) for access to nsfw mature content. Multiple categories and activities on server can be (de)selected using reactions in the server 🔍INFO > #about-you channel (see ❗server-rules❕ for membership). You’re invited! “Keep it a goodvybe.”

Being diagnosed as “different”

In truth, I suspect that every human being (should they visit a psych professional) could be diagnosed with something. When you’re sad, it’s depression. When you’re on edge, it’s anxiety. We all go through an array of emotions as part of the human experience. My first diagnosis was depression in 2006 during military service. I continued to seek psych help and I have accumulated an alphabet soup of acronyms over the years.

I am deemed psychologically disabled with PTSD because my daily psychiatric struggles (triggers, mood swings) make even simple tasks difficult for an unknown period of time. This makes me an unreliable employee, which is what the powers that be care about us achieving: employment. I have not been employed since 2015 or dutifully watched news sources since 2006. I prefer being out of touch with society than subject to the scrutiny of failing standards set by out-of-touch leadership or presumptuous peers (we are not all capable of the same things and that has to be ok).

Recently I had an assessment for ADHD that determined I’m an inattentive type of attention deficit. This aligns with my disassociations and easily distracted nature. I’ve always been a “daydreamer” who lives more in my head than the world around me. Qualities I’ve known were different in me and would be written off as my PTSD for years. I pressed to be assessed because I am not in active trauma crisis and still have some functionality oddities I can’t explain.

In truth this diagnosis has brought me some relief. I have more suspicions about my brain being different and the neuropsychologist who assessed me will help me pursue further testings. I am also filled with so much doubt from my life experiences, halfway through assessment I was telling her “I’m probably not adhd” because she asked me about school, which I barely passed high school with a 2.7 and excelled in college with a 3.8 cum laude. Turns out, I worked my ass off and don’t give myself credit for it.

For a significant portion of my life PTSD has ridden shotgun beside me. I’ve had one trauma after another for literal decades, of course it’s prominent. I experience certain sensory reactions that I do not believe are associated with my trauma. I’m beginning to question and explore more of myself and why I am who I am in all aspects of my life. I believe I deserve to live in peace and joy no matter how much cruelty I’ve survived.

I am beyond grateful for the life I am living today, I am valued and cared for without conditions or confinement. My fella is the calm to my chaos and logic to my impulse. Having souls around you who want your comfort is monumental when you’re dealing with being “different” from the crowds. Find those who see you and stay where the love lives. Variety is the spice of life.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!