Our Lives Are Not Universal

Humanity has held on to this concept of “common sense” to inject shame into socializing. When someone doesn’t know what you know, it can be a teachable moment. An introspect: Believing that others are stupid because they do not know what you know is a show of your impatience, not their intelligence. You do not want to share what you know or “waste time explaining” and shame their not knowing to dismiss the task of teaching them.

We are each unique and our life experiences shape our perceptions of existence. None of us know all the answers. We each have strengths and weaknesses that improve and impair our lived experience. The differences between us are what keep life interesting! We are meant to be different. It’s demanding that we all behave, think and feel the same that create cognitive distortions. To live in love and let live in peace could be life changing for the world and it’s not easy. Conflict is inevitable in a world of projections and demands.

What I have learned while exploring my desire to heal and make healthier choices:

  1. Not everyone will value you and it’s ok to cut or limit your time with them. Believe the bullies are intentional.
  2. Building boundaries can reveal hidden traits that disconnect friends and family. Honor your well-being.
  3. Intuition is our nervous system communicating safety. Note who makes you feel (un)safe. Find comfort.
  4. Surviving is strength, thriving is discipline.
  5. Change takes time.

Nothing about the healing journey is easy. It has even become a modern deflection “hope you heal those wounds” to dismiss strangers online. It’s not a coincidence those who pursue healing refer to it as putting in work. Accountability is not easy for many and it is vital to the healing process. We do not mend wounds we pretend don’t exist, that’s repression and leads to bigger rifts.

When we are capable of accountability is where we reflect on our choices and consequences in life, all experiences and outcomes. In awareness and accountability we are able to mend emotional / psychological wounds. It’s removing the I and asking why. Our behaviors or actions in life occur for a reason, something underlying. Rather than judging and scorning in bitter resentments, become curious: ask why. It is brave to heal.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community or would appreciate an adult space online with focus on compassion over cruelty : consider my discord server! Designated mature (18+) and all known minors removed. Optional verification (ID required) for access to nsfw mature content. Multiple categories and activities on server can be (de)selected using reactions in the server 🔍INFO > #about-you channel (see ❗server-rules❕ for membership). You’re invited! “Keep it a goodvybe.”

Being diagnosed as “different”

In truth, I suspect that every human being (should they visit a psych professional) could be diagnosed with something. When you’re sad, it’s depression. When you’re on edge, it’s anxiety. We all go through an array of emotions as part of the human experience. My first diagnosis was depression in 2006 during military service. I continued to seek psych help and I have accumulated an alphabet soup of acronyms over the years.

I am deemed psychologically disabled with PTSD because my daily psychiatric struggles (triggers, mood swings) make even simple tasks difficult for an unknown period of time. This makes me an unreliable employee, which is what the powers that be care about us achieving: employment. I have not been employed since 2015 or dutifully watched news sources since 2006. I prefer being out of touch with society than subject to the scrutiny of failing standards set by out-of-touch leadership or presumptuous peers (we are not all capable of the same things and that has to be ok).

Recently I had an assessment for ADHD that determined I’m an inattentive type of attention deficit. This aligns with my disassociations and easily distracted nature. I’ve always been a “daydreamer” who lives more in my head than the world around me. Qualities I’ve known were different in me and would be written off as my PTSD for years. I pressed to be assessed because I am not in active trauma crisis and still have some functionality oddities I can’t explain.

In truth this diagnosis has brought me some relief. I have more suspicions about my brain being different and the neuropsychologist who assessed me will help me pursue further testings. I am also filled with so much doubt from my life experiences, halfway through assessment I was telling her “I’m probably not adhd” because she asked me about school, which I barely passed high school with a 2.7 and excelled in college with a 3.8 cum laude. Turns out, I worked my ass off and don’t give myself credit for it.

For a significant portion of my life PTSD has ridden shotgun beside me. I’ve had one trauma after another for literal decades, of course it’s prominent. I experience certain sensory reactions that I do not believe are associated with my trauma. I’m beginning to question and explore more of myself and why I am who I am in all aspects of my life. I believe I deserve to live in peace and joy no matter how much cruelty I’ve survived.

I am beyond grateful for the life I am living today, I am valued and cared for without conditions or confinement. My fella is the calm to my chaos and logic to my impulse. Having souls around you who want your comfort is monumental when you’re dealing with being “different” from the crowds. Find those who see you and stay where the love lives. Variety is the spice of life.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Intentional Action

Often we have autopilot actions, things we will say, do or even feel as an automatic response. Developing a practice of intentional actions can increase your self awareness. What this means is you set intentions before you take action so that the actions you take are what you intend. It’s a practice in being mindful.

As an example, say you are learning a new hobby or job task and want to be an expert immediately (a common sentiment). The US military would call this setting yourself up for failure. No one is an expert immediately. Setting the intention to be patient with yourself while you learn something new could help you absorb more quickly. The less pressure we feel to be perfect, the more receptive we become to learning and flowing with the process.

Any time we desire different in our life that requires change and we have to develop practices to support that change. We cannot work through anger management if we constantly experience unchecked anger. Awareness is the first step to change. When we’re aware of a need or want for different is when we can begin different practices.

Each of us are unique in our life experiences and completely the same in our human condition. We all require food, shelter and love. Any of these three base needs lacking will cause turmoil for any human. Love being vastly under rated because many are too wounded to embrace authentic love. Choosing instead to love superficially or not love at all in fear of being hurt (again).

Discovering self love is a magical journey. Going from loathing every fiber of existing to seeing personal value is powerful. A shift occurs in this journey where you recognize you are worthy to a fulfilled life and develop boundaries to safeguard your well-being. Nothing about self assessment or accountability are very easy, it’s the rewards of being authentic that make this journey worthwhile.

Even though I share these thoughts with y’all I am no expert in any of it, I am doing my best to find more peace and joy after a long history of chaos and turmoil. My hope is that readers find solace in my words and perhaps motivation to be better. This life is what we make of it and our psyche, what and how we think, has a great impact on the quality of our experiences. You deserve a fulfilled life, we all do.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Why Faking It Is Not Making It

The very foundation to ‘faking it‘ requires lies and denial. Those who practice deceit and double lives are always in a state of competition and survival. Dishonesty limits the capacity of relationships because deeper connections require authenticity and accountability. Unfortunately, there is a societal pressure: if you don’t ‘fit in’ then you’re cast out.

In my early years of development I was practically desperate to be accepted by others. Having the brand of ‘slut’ in elementary school created an obstacle when building relationships. Kids can be cruel is often the excuse for that scenario and it’s interesting to me that few will acknowledge kids are conditioned to be cruel. Growing up in an abusive home makes the psyche believe that abuse is an expression of love or how to express anger or sadness.

We cannot make anyone else be, think or feel any different than they believe. Adult, matured relationships are about accepting differences and encouraging progress or leaving folks alone when you’re not in sync. Unfortunately, many adults never mature because of their conditioning—they think the abuse is love. Out here faking a fulfilled life while loathing their very existence internally to the point it spills onto others in visceral shames and devaluation.

No one else can change your mentality. Healing is hard work and a giant chunk of that is introspection and accountability to take complete inventory of who you are and how you behave. We all know innately what is compassion and what is cruelty. The monument of the task to heal is why there are far more suffering in the world than feeling the calm of healing. Authenticity is required because faking life is living in denial.

It’s ok and completely normal to have a degree of denial with difficult situations. Our brain will literally shut down in deeply traumatizing scenarios to protect us. This is why some souls have periods of blacked out memory, reality is too intense for the psyche to face. We can all endure varying stresses in very different ways too. All of this is normal even though few will speak openly or even be aware personally that they’re in denial.

We can train our brains. The mind is a muscle and that is why unhealthy conditioning is possible and healthy conditioning takes practice and discipline to obtain after living in dysfunctional patterns. No one changes in an instant and none of us are completely the same — that’s the fun of life, variety. A therapist or psych professional you trust is the most ideal scenario to practice unlearning dysfunction and relearning healthy habits. You got this.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Disabled not DeAdwEighT

I am deemed psychologically disabled because my psyche struggles on a daily basis quantify as disabling. Mind you, I have my good days and to the average acquaintance I seem ok, like anyone else, maybe a little quirky. To those in my daily life, I swing from one emotion to the next, sometimes in a single day. My highs are giddy and my lows are shitty.

Being classified as disabled mostly gives me access to fiscal support because the mood swings can make meeting expectations of an employer a challenge. Everyone has a spectrum of emotions they navigate and going through disability filing is beyond stressful. Those who have gone through it will know when I say you are broke and broke while navigating the system. It requires persistence and perseverance to obtain disability support, many are denied repeatedly before they’re approved.

When I tell strangers I’m disabled I run the risk of being shamed or belittled as being a government handout case. Even though the system is rigorous to navigate to reduce the misuse of government assistance. That doesn’t mean it’s not abused or that all of us who rely on government assistance are lazy, worthless, etc. It means we recognize our struggles and did what we could to find help.

Difficulties exist for all of us, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Creativity comes naturally for me and expression through art is therapeutic. I know my life has had hardships that some souls will never comprehend and all of that is impossible to know in an instant. I am psychologically disabled with PTSD and I have served my country in the Afghanistan war. This is not what strangers see when they meet me, I’m a quirky artist.

My experiences in life have led me to being passionate about self care and healing internal suffering. I am not kind or sensitive because I am weak, I have had enough dark in my life that I only want light now. For me to receive kindness I have to give it. It’s a reciprocal cyclical thing: life.

Being alive gives each of us worth: we exist. Life is limited for all of us too. Not one of us will make it out of this alive. So before you pass your judgments on souls you’ve just met, because you’re having a bad day? Consider that we all have experiences in our being and a conversation can be revealing. We’re not competing, we’re all existing.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!