Tough Love: Victimhood

There is no other way to approach this than with tough love. When a person -believes- they are a victim it effectively traps their psyche in this unescapable cage. Taking on the blame, believing you were so foolish to allow this or feeling angry because they violated you. These modes of thinking only serve to stagnate you. Your life will revolve around this pain -until- you can learn how to heal it. Yes, you were a victim of wrong-doing in the past. You are not a victim today, you are healing. Or you could begin healing. For some the struggles may be lifelong and we can learn healthier ways to cope.

Obstacles in life are to be expected, being alive means weighing the balance of memories you cherish and struggles you’d much rather forget. Unfortunately, the painful moments in life can sometimes be more sticky than the quality times. The incredible thing is that we can teach our brains to focus on anything. Through practice and determination for change we are capable of experiencing a negative moment and accepting the truths of the situation so that the impact becomes less severe.

This is not to say that negative moments will not impact you, no human being feels positive about enduring a traumatic event. Of course, there is numbing and disassociation as survival skills, I’d really like to encourage that y’all learn some thriving skills. We know we cannot change the past and we know that history can repeat itself. The task here is rewriting the narrative. Yes, what you experienced was earth-shattering and traumatic. You did not deserve that anguish in your life. You do deserve your own care and love to heal that hurt. You deserve to continue forward and release yourself from that trauma so you can someday live a more joyful life.

Trauma and the physical affects of it are being studied continuously, there’s belief that these life-changing events manifest in our bodies as disease. When it comes to mental struggles it’s a lot of solitary, internal work that has to be done. This is why remaining in victimhood will stagnate your life in that sludge of woes. First and foremost we have to want the changes for there to be any hope of progress. Secondly a trained professional with studies in psychology to help you process your emotions in a safe and informed environment are monumental. If you prefer a shaman or life coach, that’s ok too — the necessity is processing pain with someone who will listen with compassion.

There are also medications and alternative medicines that may assist in lessening your symptoms. Find professionals you trust, be honest with how you’re struggling and how you’re coping. As a long-term psych patient I feel compelled to take this moment to encourage self-advocation when navigating our psychiatric system. You must have an awareness of why you need outside help. Drug pushing and careless providers are a genuine risk when pursuing professional help.

Trust your own intuition, honor if you feel safe or not. A good provider, even if you confess discomfort, will take the time to talk with you to understand your hesitations and clarify any questions you have. If you’re not comfortable and they seem unsupportive, you have every right to walk away. Providers are there to provide not to pressure their patients into things they’re not comfortable about. You know you better than any other soul in the world. Release yourself from being a victim and fight for your victory — life is shorter than you believe.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!