In society there exists a lot of pressure on family values. Unfortunately, not all families share strong values. Many adults today are working through the emotions of childhood traumas, situations and events their younger minds couldn’t come to grips with and it’s been carried on their back, into their adult lives. Often manifesting as anxiety, depression and PTSD. The impacts of any trauma can echo into every aspect of life.
For those growing up with belts and paddles in schools and at home, there existed a pervasive sense of fear everywhere. “Do what you’re told — or else.” While many adults perpetuate their parents styles when they become parents, figuring “I turned out fine” and they use the same fear tactics with their children, the trauma is then passed down another generation. This is an example of generational traumas: living in constant fear.
Healing is hard work. Feeling ALL of your feelings, mostly sucks. This is why so many choose to avoid difficult situations and suppress before addressing issues. When your family dynamic is avoidance then learning to communicate effectively will likely be awkward, communicate anyway. It will get easier, talk with people who value you and want to understand you.
Debates are not productive when it comes to having a discussion. Communication is about understanding, not dominating. People who shame, blame or devalue you are attempting to dominate you into silence and they will exhaust you, give yourself permission to walk away. We all exist as an individual first and we can choose who we’re around, even family if there’s reason you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
Of course there’s a need for self reliance if you’re going to venture into life on your own, I left home at 17 for the Army and I wandered the world for 15 years. I am back in my home state and I currently have limited contact with my family. I love them from a distance and that’s ok. Even if they think I’m wrong, I’m doing what I believe is best for my mental well-being, limiting contact with a source of emotional pain.
The details are not something I’ll unpack here. There is a lot deserving attention and I work through my struggles with my therapist. I’m fortunate to have a support system of professionals and found loved ones who help me keep some degree of regulation on my emotions. I’m learning better habits and still unlearning toxic traits. It takes time.
Be well, sweet souls. 💛
If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!