We all know the popular song “it’s ok not to be okay” and that is also truth. We all struggle sometimes and it’s ok to speak up about it. Being in pursuit of healing since 2006 when I saw my first therapist, I have experienced literal decades of my life feeling broken and believing I could never heal. I thought after multiple sexual assaults and my own reckless behaviors in the past: I was too broken to ever be lovable or worthy.
Today, I feel like it’s ok for me to be ok. I have advocated and enforced boundaries for my well-being with more confidence since 2018. I have let go of people I love because I realize their concept of love doesn’t meet my needs to feel loved by them. I’ve mourned these losses and met some of the most incredible healing souls in this world by allowing myself to walk away from discomfort in my life. I feel ready for the next phase, ready to be ok.
This doesn’t mean I’m magically problem free until the end of my time. We all experience a degree of societal pressure to reach milestones. For many it’s marriage and children, creating their own family. Where my focus has shifted to my creative expressions, my art. I want to share what I’ve learned in healing and help others who are hurting find their own internal peace. Mostly I strive for my existence to say “hey, we can thrive after trauma, even when decades of healing is required.”
After internalizing that it is ok for me to not be ok and looking at all that needed mending around my soul roots, I put in the work. I believe so many avoid trauma healing work because the it is often times more painful than the wound. Healing our trauma wounds are an adult responsibility, else we pass that pain to future generations. Many souls are now identifying themselves as generational trauma beakers and it’s a movement in humanity I feel proud to witness and be a part of by healing myself.
Evolution occurs in every aspect of life and our emotional intelligence is tied in to our healing work. If we are wounded and feel small or worthless we tend to lash out and attempt bringing others down to our level of pain. “Misery loves company” as the saying goes. This is why so many are judgmental, cruel and downright hateful to others — they’re wounded and unhealed, bleeding on the world. I remind myself of this when I’m in toxic comment sections online—it’s not even about me, they don’t know -me- there’s pain spilling from them in their words.
I’ve wanted better for my life as long as I can remember. I am sensitive and emotional often. There are many labels of mental illness assigned to me and I still have to exist in this world. Before any healing work I wanted to take my own life many times, I wanted the pain of it all to stop. I was tired. After decades (yes decades) of internal work I feel myself thriving more, finally. I still have dark days and I have a healthier mode of thinking to help me deal with those days. I’m a huge endorser for Cognitive Behavior Therapy and I’ve heard of other useful therapies or modalities to help heal a traumatized psyche, though CBT is what I believe has best helped me to date.
How is your healing going? Have you begun? Do you have suggestions for others to find healing in their lives too?
Be well, sweet souls. 💛
If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!