Vacancy

Feeling vacant is a symptom of low self worth. We begin to feel like a shell of ourselves when we do not feel confident in ourself. This sense of vacancy, as if you are empty and hollow, can serve as your indication that you’re searching for more meaning in life. Some may never stop searching for meaning and explore their entire time on earth. That’s ok too.

“Not all who wander are lost” rings true to those who enjoy exploring. I have been called a gypsy, vagabond and noted as a person who cannot sit still for very long. Through most of my travels I have done soul searching, looking for my meaning in life. Sometimes I’ll think I’ve found it only to find something else to distract me. Maybe this is relatable to you, maybe not.

If you have any experience with disassociating then vacant is all too familiar of a feeling for you. The ‘thousand yard stare’ while your mind wanders into alternate realities and just not being ‘there’ for the moment. Episodes can be in a blink of an eye or last hours, often depends on the triggering cause, how deeply that trauma wound goes.

This “out of body” mode serves as a safety mechanism for trauma survivors. When the world in front of you feels unbearable then the brain can detach from reality to help you endure and survive. Some souls get so accustom to living in vacancy that they feel perpetually lost and alone.

It is important that we seek and secure kind souls in the world who support our growth. Keep a safe distance from anyone who will shame or blame you for struggling. We are all doing the best we can with what we know. Those who shame and blame others are not trying to grow. They speak to themselves the same way and will not be helpful to your healing — unless you’re testing your resilience.

I began this blog on the first of the year with a determination to write daily. For the past 17 days I have woke up, had coffee and written a blog post. Today, I did not have coffee and I began this post 15 minutes before my 6pm scheduled post time. I did still write, even if I am late today. I’m lacking an overall sense of direction for the blog itself and I appreciate the support it’s already received in the community.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!