To embark on a healing journey is no minor undertaking. Many are so preoccupied with the day to day hustle of life that healing is the farthest from their mind. Unfortunately with trauma and internal—psyche, spirit—wounds, running away (avoiding) does not make the memories or their impact go away. One of the biggest practices I developed in my healing journey is gentle self speak.
I can remember the darkness of my depressions in younger years where I was not only sad, I would beat myself down until I became so down I would not move from my bed for weeks. I didn’t deserve food or to be clean. I -believed- I was lazy, useless, stupid, never going to be good enough, doing all of this to myself. I felt worthless. Today, I know I am psychologically disabled, that I experience intense emotions and my moods are a moment of my existence. I need emotional support for my well-being.
The reality is in my younger years I was depressed and making my depression monumentally worse by believing these hurtful words. Words which, in truth, came from the world around me not understanding or ever asking me about my internal experience. All my life I have been told I am sensitive as if my sensitivities are not apparent to me or that I am choosing to be sensitive and needed to stop feeling so much. In adulthood I remain sensitive and I have developed systems, practices and coping skills to manage my big feels.
The practice of gentle self speak is a simply complex one. We can understand being cruel to ourself is not a helpful practice and still default to it because it’s familiar. This was my existence, I felt most comfortable in my familiar sadness. It took me years of redirecting my thoughts and curating my environment for me to stop thinking any of that shame and unworthiness automatically. There are still times those dark thoughts will creep in and it’s being in a safe and loving environment that helps me stay in existence. I am fortunate to have support systems now.
To get yourself started on gentle self speak, recognize that those internal criticisms we repeat as a self harm practice are not even our beliefs. Someone outside of us who likely does not understand our internal experience and does not ask or want to understand does not know our lived experience better than you know you. Allow yourself to connect with your authenticity, who you are in your core being, before the world around you had you believing hurtful lies of not enough.
The practice of self connection can vary from one person to the next. Seek out passion and comfort, analyze the things that bring up discomfort. Do things that challenge you and make you uncomfortable to embrace the bravery of doing difficult things and making it through. We all have emotions and attuning to your feelings, how you exist in this life will change as you change your practices with awareness and accountability. Sit with yourself and discover your worth, then guard your well-being with the bravery of a guardian.
Be well, sweet souls. 💛
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My blogs and rambles commonly have a mixture of mental health and healing messages. Blogs are more focused on sharing information to help the reader and rambles are journalistic, sharing memories for the sake of sharing.
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