I would consider this a pillar in self care. Perhaps I’ll put more thought into that concept and create some visual for another blog post. For now, lets go over some basics of boundaries. Developing boundaries has been a particularly challenging task for me, as I have been told, it’s tough for others too. When your life has been so hard focused on pleasing the people around you in order to feel safe and secure, boundaries may feel like you’re being inconsiderate.
“Disappoint as many people it takes to not disappoint yourself” is a quote from Glennon Doyle that is forever engrained in my mind. I was fortunate to be recommended her book ‘Untamed’ and hear this quote during a time when I had what can be called penetrable boundaries. Yes, I was learning how to speak up for myself and acknowledge when I didn’t feel comfortable. I was also feeling very guilty for speaking up and confessing my discomfort.
I’ve come to learn that my penetrable boundaries were allowing people close to me who did not give my well-being the care I deserved. I felt guilty because they did not want me to have boundaries, they benefited most when I had none. Developing boundaries -will- lead some people to lose interest in you because your boundaries prevent them from fulfilling their own agendas with you. Develop boundaries anyway. Your personal well-being matters.
Step one to developing your own boundaries is acknowledgement to your discomforts. Notice when you feel anxious, unsafe or agitated. Analyze where that feeling is coming from, why you are feeling that way and what you could do to better protect your internal well-being. Our emotions exist to protect us, developing boundaries means developing your awareness to how you’re feeling and what brings those feelings up for you.
Enforcement of boundaries is a task of its own and this will come with continued practice. Once you have an awareness of your emotions you can begin developing ways to protect your well-being. Either verbally expressing the discomfort and asking for an alternative or walking away from the situation are part of boundary development. The world is unlikely to cater to us and sensitive souls will especially have difficulties here, it’s ok. While this is challenging, when you are able to effectively enforce your boundaries you will feel empowered and safe in your own being–which we all deserve to feel.
Maintaining boundaries is where things will get a bit more tricky. There are souls in this world who will push, poke and prod at you with all efforts to break through your boundaries. It is important that you continuously honor your own well-being and become the enduring protector of you. Yes, it will be challenging and there may be times that you fail, someone gets through and hurts you. Continue to persevere. You deserve the protection of confident boundaries. The confidence of them will grow in time as you grow with them.
Many of us are not taught concepts of self care and a person with strong boundaries is often remarked as being difficult or stubborn. Be difficult and stubborn. We are given no guarantees in this life beyond the reality that this life comes to an end. Living in discomfort is not deserving to any soul and it is time we all learn about and develop our self care. When we’re able to better care for our self we can better care for others and those who care for you will not be offended by your boundaries, they will respect your well-being.
Be well, sweet souls.
If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!