No we’re not talking dishes and laundry, we’re talking about emotional housekeeping. The interior of your boundaries and who is allowed (and disallowed) through the front door. Healing and growing can only be sustained by limiting the amount of toxins you accept into your sacred space of well-being. Over time you may learn to tolerate more or less toxicity in your spiritual house, this is a personal preference. Stay within your own tolerations, the goal is to keep your well-being cleared of debilitating toxins like self loathing or seething vengeance.
Wanting to hurt yourself or others is a flashing neon red sign that your well-being is not ok. These emotions are telling you that you are so uncomfortable that you want someone to pay for it. It’s your objective to limit or eliminate contact with souls who bring these emotions up for you. Whether these emotions arise from a specific action or simply being in proximity to them, acknowledge your emotions, know they’re valid and allow yourself to take space from them. We are not required to hold everyone we know close, some souls were only ever meant to be acquainted not bonded—even our childhood family can have toxic members who are best loved from a safe distance.
Everyone is unique in who they are and what they prefer as an individual. In a world of nearly 8 billion and growing, it’s ok to walk away from those folks who’ve been making you feel like crap every time you interact. There isn’t value in a one-sided relationship and you deserve to be valued. There are people in this world who like similar things and have similar views, you have to let go of the conflicting relationships to make room.
In some situations you are bound to those who are not good for you, be that family members or a co-parenting ex-partner. These situations will require you to lean heavily on your boundaries. While they may require access to your spiritual house, you can set rules. You are allowed to limit anyones access to you. You do not have to hate a person to enforce boundaries with a person. If your boundaries are fueled by hatred in these situations it’s probable you’re creating obstacles in vengeance, not boundaries in self-preservation.
You know you better than anyone ever will, even if you happen to feel lost sometimes. And if you know you’re behaving in ways that are harmful to yourself or others you can make a choice to change your behaviors. Is this a snap of the finger? Of course not. You have to notice your emotions, acknowledge them and choose which direction you want to take: more of the same or make changes. No one else can do this for you besides you. No one.
Learning that I had to be my own cheerleader, protector and provider took years. I believed that I was not worthy of care and support from the world because I did not care or support myself. And while you do not have to fully love yourself to find genuine love you do have to care about yourself to have boundaries and not fall prey to abusive souls (who are not healed). When I was able to care for myself by myself is when I began finding the souls who valued me as deeply as I’ve always deserved.
If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!