Being the Bully

When you’re going out of your way to prove someone is beneath you, chances are you’re leagues under the seas beneath them. We are all out here doing our best in life, even the bullies. Often times being the bully is a defense developed from childhood. And before you groan about “again with childhood trauma” — we develop cognition rapidly as children and absorb the world like a sponge. Human see human do.

That’s why it’s an adult responsibility to address the dysfunctions in childhood and consciously choose to change blatant negative behaviors. Refusing to look at your actions with integrity is an avoidance to being responsible. Reference the golden rule: would you want what you’re doing done to you? If the answer is no, it’s on you to change that — no one else can change you. Living in lies always catches up to liars.

Being a bully itself is a lie — believing that shoving someone down lifts you up. No. Even though you may get some laughs while you’re playing the clown, it’s an act. When you are genuine and authentic the people who see you are more likely to deeply value you. A relationship of value is far more satisfactory than a moment of trying to make others feel hurt the way you are feeling behind the mask.

Often times the impulse to belittle another appears as a defense decision too. Let me assert my dominance now so they cannot overpower me. It can all get into very primal and instinctual territories. The key note here is that we have the ability to choose and the capacity to adapt to change when we are determined enough: so much is possible.

I consider myself to be a terrible troll when it comes to the virtual world. I’ll either say something that’s goofy or hit way too close to home and find myself in an e-argument. The confidence to walk away from any situation has been a divine change in my life. Those who are trying to bully me have their own conscience to confront, it’s not about me.

Online toxic trolls are abundant. The false security of anonymity can make saying ‘what you really think’ tempting. And what you really think is very telling of where you are internally. Life is for living, not belittling. We do not have to all get along and choosing to walk away is a-ok. Value your time.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!