Developing Gender Unity

Men and women need each other. The archaic ideas of gender roles and “knowing your place” are in desperate need of renovation. No one is meant to live in servitude of another (without consent). We are not meant to live in discomfort for others comfort, we all deserve to feel comfortable in our life. If you take up issue with the opposite gender that is -your- issue, not the entire genders characteristic based off individuals choices.

Generalizing people are why we have division and conflict in the world. Each person is individual and our life experiences shape our character and our perspectives. We have to make conscious choices to change the direction of our life and no one is beneath anyone, we all have our own capabilities and developed skills. When we work together, everyone can do what suits them and support each other.

I understand that’s a utopian concept and some reading this may not be in a financially secure enough position to pursue their passions as a career. Finding a career that feels rewarding is a most ideal scenario. Many in a capitalistic world will have to work whatever they can find to make ends meet. Each of our experiences are individual, even if details are relatable.

I do believe we need war to appreciate peace, I believe there is balance. And I believe we are currently weighed heavier on hate and loathing than love and support in the world. It truthfully breaks my heart that men and women will -hate- an entire opposite gender because of what a known collective have done unjustly. No human being is perfect, not one. We’ll have greater success in unity than division.

Many men will complain women are too emotional and women complain that men are insensitive. These are common complaints and neither are faults that deserve shame or blame, it simply is. We all have emotions and we can all be insensitive. Either communicate for compromise, accept your differences or walk away. All of the visceral and hatred amongst ourselves is not helping anyone. We are all thinking, feeling humans.

Even though I have had unhealthy relationships in my life as many adult have, I also know that healthy relationships depend on the individual. A persons character has nothing to do with their gender, ethnicity or even their culture. We are all able to choose acceptance or rejection of others. If we do not give patience and compassion to each other, who will? It begins with you.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

Do You Love You?

I have seen a lot of folks when they hear “self love” they scramble internally. Namely for those who are not living in genuine love for themselves. They will either go avoidant, “of course I love myself” (leave me alone) or pensive “I think I love myself” (maybe?) or full on denial “that’s bullshit anyway.” It’s an interesting indicator of where a person has progressed along their own healing journey.

Of course, when your mind is depressed or stressed someone saying “you’ve just got to love yourself better” is probably the very last thing you want to hear. You’re sad or mad or just feeling bad and you want to feel your fucking feelings; not hear some hippy dippy peace and love bullshit. I get it. It is also very important for you to get that you deserve your own love and support.

Self love is not easy for those who have lived in self loathing. There’s a literal breaking down and rebuilding old habits anew. We have to change our internal dialogue from shame and blame into care and compassion. Learning to love and accept all of your self with sincere, genuine integrity and care. It’s no easy task and it’s deeply rewarding.

When you’re full of love it ripples outward, the same with hate. It all starts in our being. Building boundaries is an incredible practice that helps you protect your well-being as you progress forward. There will always be good and bad that requires balancing in life. We are always left with choices to make and consequences to face. Being attune to what you want in life will help you find others who want the same and grow with you.

Our relationships (personal, family, business) flourish when we operate in a space of honesty and clear communication with consistent enforcement of boundaries and limitations. We each co-existence interdependent of each other. No one knows your preferences or tolerances until you let them know. Some will try to push past your boundaries and those who respect you will respect your limits. Go where the love is.

We don’t typically think about the lies we tell our Self. If you carry a belief that you’re not good enough — that’s a lie. We are all out here doing our best. The goal is to authentically and genuinely love who you are and the choices you’re making. Self love is an alignment with self control, shaping yourself into a being of compassion.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Embracing Your Fears

Even the most rough and rugged human beings have some fear or challenge that’s difficult to face. Recognizing your fears and the source of that fear are the first steps to embracing them. With all things in life we must recognize situations for what they are before we can begin practicing change. Awareness is where change starts or stops, whichever we choose.

Embracing your fears is not about running full speed with great abandon into your darkest fears. When we’re in an embrace it’s warm and welcoming. The goal is acceptance through perseverance and practicing authenticity. Some may want to jump out of planes to face their fear of heights and some may accept that heights are unnerving so coping skills will be needed if heights are involved. Both embrace the fear for what it is and make an adjustment in their life.

Bravery is often attributed to heroes and overlooked in every day choices. Speaking up after a lifetime of silence is brave. Being an advocate for your well-being, come what may, is bravery. We are not only brave when we make extraordinary leaps in life, we are brave every time we aspire for change. Realizing the impact of your choices and wanting to do better is beyond brave.

Choosing to remain in dysfunction and perpetuate hurtful behavior is ultimately easier and that’s why so many will do just that. Being accountable and facing the deep fear of rejection or abandonment can feel completely earth shattering. The more pain you face and process the more peace you’ll begin to embrace. Avoidance and repression only cause our hurts to fester.

I am beyond frightened of heights. I love to travel and I despise flying. I’m not a fan of roller coasters or any activity that makes my stomach touch my tonsils (or so it feels). However, I continue to fly because it’s our quickest mode of travel and time is valuable. I have a dear friend who served in Afghanistan with me who’s encouraging of sky diving and I periodically remind him ‘nope’ I’m not jumping.

Even though these fears exist in me I do not impede on others enjoyment and I acknowledge it’s not for me. I will applaud their landing on the ground and likely take photos while they descend—I’m not jumping. Maybe someday he’ll convince me otherwise, he does make it look like fun. The point is to continue living along side your fears and embrace the journey.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Being the Bully

When you’re going out of your way to prove someone is beneath you, chances are you’re leagues under the seas beneath them. We are all out here doing our best in life, even the bullies. Often times being the bully is a defense developed from childhood. And before you groan about “again with childhood trauma” — we develop cognition rapidly as children and absorb the world like a sponge. Human see human do.

That’s why it’s an adult responsibility to address the dysfunctions in childhood and consciously choose to change blatant negative behaviors. Refusing to look at your actions with integrity is an avoidance to being responsible. Reference the golden rule: would you want what you’re doing done to you? If the answer is no, it’s on you to change that — no one else can change you. Living in lies always catches up to liars.

Being a bully itself is a lie — believing that shoving someone down lifts you up. No. Even though you may get some laughs while you’re playing the clown, it’s an act. When you are genuine and authentic the people who see you are more likely to deeply value you. A relationship of value is far more satisfactory than a moment of trying to make others feel hurt the way you are feeling behind the mask.

Often times the impulse to belittle another appears as a defense decision too. Let me assert my dominance now so they cannot overpower me. It can all get into very primal and instinctual territories. The key note here is that we have the ability to choose and the capacity to adapt to change when we are determined enough: so much is possible.

I consider myself to be a terrible troll when it comes to the virtual world. I’ll either say something that’s goofy or hit way too close to home and find myself in an e-argument. The confidence to walk away from any situation has been a divine change in my life. Those who are trying to bully me have their own conscience to confront, it’s not about me.

Online toxic trolls are abundant. The false security of anonymity can make saying ‘what you really think’ tempting. And what you really think is very telling of where you are internally. Life is for living, not belittling. We do not have to all get along and choosing to walk away is a-ok. Value your time.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Relationships + Childhood Trauma

When two people begin to coexist there are often clashes that occur. You’re individuals who have lived a certain way and figuring out how your partner lives can be contrary to your own standards. In a healthy relationship, these clashes are openly discussed and some compromise is determined or we simply accept that quirk of our partner. While a toxic relationship will demand changes and threaten the union if demands are not met precisely. We all have needs and we all deserve the bare minimum of care and compassion in our relationships.

This mentality of controlling others typically stems from a loss of control in life. Being in control of as many aspects of life as possible can be a survival mechanism. Unfortunately with relationships, being constantly under control can cause psychological damage over time. Partner A lost control in life and now controls everything so partner B is expected to comply without care to their needs. The relationship becomes one-sided.

Parents can also have this dynamic with their children, controlling over compassionate. Children are often disregarded as not x enough for y — so they grow up with ideas of not enough. Maybe they develop a determination to prove naysayers wrong, seeking outward validation as adults. Most parents refer to what their parents did growing up and pass down dysfunctions in the thought that it’s ‘normal’ because it’s what they know.

Childhood trauma isn’t meant to blame parents, it’s being aware of where dysfunction begins to work through them and improve. We are all capable of better if we want better. A lot of parents are not emotionally or psychologically developed to shape the mind of a small human and they have babies anyway. Society tells us that children are the stamp of approval you’re living life right, be married with children.

I disagree that a child means a successful life. A child is a small human who needs protection and care to grow into a functional adult. I did not have children. In fact, I terminated two pregnancies in my life. I believe finding resolve to my sexual traumas (including my termination guilts) has a greater purpose for me than being a mother could have. All that I learn I intend to share so that other hurt souls may heal too. We have so much suffering in this world.

Our relationships begin with our Self. When we feel secure and confident in our own being we bring that into our unions. If you’re currently in the habit of beating yourself up internally you’re more likely to be insulting to others too. That old “hurt people hurt people” quote comes to mind. It’s a continuous practice to change your thinking and it’s a powerful shift from self loathing to self love.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!