Connection

That warm and welcomed feeling: connection. When you finally feel understood by another soul in this world. We all desire a sense of connection and community. Unfortunately, not all we come in contact with are worth making (or keeping) a connection.

It’s not to devalue another or their personal interests, it’s in our nature to migrate toward like minds. When we do not think similarly it’s a cause for conflicting encounters and some of us will sooner walk away than to argue. In the same way we migrate to like minds we tend to distance from mentalities we disagree with too.

In a world of quarantines and social media, finding people to connect with has changed drastically. When we were once limited to those within close proximity for companionship, we can now connect with people in other parts of the world at all hours of the day or night. Many make the argument of anti-social media because everyone is so absorbed in posting and shares that they miss out on what’s in front of them. I believe if there were more quality connections online it could be more valuable.

So much of online socializing has become toxic, people jump to negative assumptions and verbal assaults in the veil of being ‘anonymous’ so thoughts don’t need filtering. I’ve been developing a community discord server that’s aiming to be more alkaline. We have rules and staff members in place to help keep the community safe. Our aim is to acknowledge the human struggle and practice patience or boundary building within the community.

This concept goes against what’s popular online (dating or toxic servers) and dares to stand alone as an adult space (18+) with a core focus on personal well-being and betterment. There are various categories that Members may view or hide with custom role options. Further details are provided throughout the server and an overview is shared on the site below.

Socializing online as a “shy nerd” since 1998 has exposed me to an array of users and resources online. Being a ‘sensitive soul’ in a toxic world is legitimately exhausting. This community server is my own escape space from the normalized toxicity online. Our staff team has necessary privileges to support the servers ethos “Keep it a goodvybe” For months I’ve developed on the servers layout to give a communal sense and make use of a few developed bots for additional perks. I’m now focusing on inviting like minds to grow the community.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Pain

Feeling hurt is our bodies way of letting us know that something needs to change. Whether it’s physical or emotional pain, that hurt is your indication that something needs to be done. When it’s physical that’s easier, see a doctor for assessment and treatment options. When it’s emotional: good luck. Healing that hurt can take an entire lifetime.

In the psych community there’s push for medications and talk therapy to aid in emotional healing. While both and even a combination of the two can be helpful, it all comes down to you in the end. You have to put in the work to heal those emotional wounds. No pill or psych professional will magically cure you, they’re assets on the journey at best. If you have the misfortune to connect with a ‘professional’ who looks down on mental illness then you’re in a new world of struggles. This is why developing a relationship with your provider(s) is important.

Rapport doesn’t appear over night, like any relationship it takes time to get to know a person. It may help to meet with a provider who has a positive reputation with other patients although their interactions with others does not guarantee a favorable interaction with you. The most important part of therapy is honesty, you have to be truthful for a therapist to be helpful and most of us require a degree of trust before we’ll share the darker parts of ourself.

I have personally seen many providers and even had my share of time in psychiatric wards (which I do not recommend). What I have found as a person dealing with mental illness is that the Hospital protocol for psych patients is to treat us like we’re crazy. We are confined and stripped of worldly possessions in a facility where no one is predictable or stable. To a degree this is necessary because all psych struggles vary. As a patient, this has never helped me.

What psychiatric wards taught me was that pretending to be ok will give you back your freedom. Shove that pain deeper down so the nurses will tell the doctors you’re improving and you can go home. At least at home the pervasive thoughts can be chased with delicious snacks or television shows to distract. On the ward, everything is communal and everyone is struggling with demons they couldn’t hide anymore.

The healthcare system around psychological patients has so much to be desired. I’ve wanted to join the forces of professionals to help hurting souls and as I get older I just want to be left alone. I cannot deal with my own things, how can I help others deal with theirs? Oh right, blog daily about feelings and healing, hopefully it lands for someone.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Vacancy

Feeling vacant is a symptom of low self worth. We begin to feel like a shell of ourselves when we do not feel confident in ourself. This sense of vacancy, as if you are empty and hollow, can serve as your indication that you’re searching for more meaning in life. Some may never stop searching for meaning and explore their entire time on earth. That’s ok too.

“Not all who wander are lost” rings true to those who enjoy exploring. I have been called a gypsy, vagabond and noted as a person who cannot sit still for very long. Through most of my travels I have done soul searching, looking for my meaning in life. Sometimes I’ll think I’ve found it only to find something else to distract me. Maybe this is relatable to you, maybe not.

If you have any experience with disassociating then vacant is all too familiar of a feeling for you. The ‘thousand yard stare’ while your mind wanders into alternate realities and just not being ‘there’ for the moment. Episodes can be in a blink of an eye or last hours, often depends on the triggering cause, how deeply that trauma wound goes.

This “out of body” mode serves as a safety mechanism for trauma survivors. When the world in front of you feels unbearable then the brain can detach from reality to help you endure and survive. Some souls get so accustom to living in vacancy that they feel perpetually lost and alone.

It is important that we seek and secure kind souls in the world who support our growth. Keep a safe distance from anyone who will shame or blame you for struggling. We are all doing the best we can with what we know. Those who shame and blame others are not trying to grow. They speak to themselves the same way and will not be helpful to your healing — unless you’re testing your resilience.

I began this blog on the first of the year with a determination to write daily. For the past 17 days I have woke up, had coffee and written a blog post. Today, I did not have coffee and I began this post 15 minutes before my 6pm scheduled post time. I did still write, even if I am late today. I’m lacking an overall sense of direction for the blog itself and I appreciate the support it’s already received in the community.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Perspectives

We are all experiencing life from our own perspective, like a uniquely crafted lens that only you see life through. That’s why expecting others to be like you is impractical and unrealistic. We can relate with another’s experiences or perspectives and not be anything like them. No one is exactly like you and how boring would it be if they were. “Variety is the spice of life.”

Personally, I prefer to roam and learn as I go along. This is also how I tend to travel, book a place to sleep and figure it out when I get there. I have taken weekend trips to just be in another environment and never left the rental. To some this is a waste of a trip, to me it is an act of self care. I know from my experiences that changing my environment often helps my psyche. While crowds and commotion tend to put me on high alert (stress). I order foods I cannot get at home and write or create with whatever creative outlets I bring with me for the trip.

On other travel occasions I may venture out to take photos in National parks or visit local art exhibits. Traveling has always been a deep calling for me. I often refer to myself as having “bad wanderlust” because after around 3 months, ‘I gotta go’ takes over me and I want a change of scenery. Year-round I do not leave home very often, appointments mostly. I prefer socializing online, with my discord server the folks I enjoy chatting with easily travel with me. Of course I have labels assigned because “I don’t like going outside” makes me agoraphobic.

I’ve explored so much of the world and others beliefs seeking solutions to my shit (psych labels for my symptoms). I’m not certain how many in the world embark on healing, I know it’s not an easy venture. I’m sure healing never stops because pain itself is inevitable, I will feel hurt again. The real question for all of us is how we deal with our pain—inflict more or find acceptance to continue moving forward in growth. I’m trying to be better today than I was yesterday (by my own standards). It’s me vs me and it always was, I just realize it now.

I do not identify as religious or “just spiritual” — when I’m feeling overwhelmed I often recite the Lords Prayer in my head like a mantra. I’ve done this mostly before takeoff on flights in the past as a ‘just in case’ because my thought is “who am I to assert there is -no- God?” I always found atheism a bit peculiar for that, so assertive there is no God as a polar opposite to theists who assert there is a God. I’ve also practiced meditation to help me find balance.

My only assertion is that I don’t know — which always made agnostic appealing. I don’t think any human does know with certainty for any side of theisms. I believe there are convicted souls and folks holding on to their ideals for a sense of direction in life. I’m most comfortable in acceptance that I don’t know everything and that’s ok with me. I’m removed from the competition of life by isolating and creating art in solitude. We all have choices to make.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Self Love: 5 Pillars

Many will talk about the need to love yourself before loving anyone else and I believe this gets misunderstood. You do not -have- to love yourself to be lovable or to love another, there are parts of you that are always seen and often loved. However, you are likely to have unhealthy attachments if you are not secure in your value. When we hold genuine self love in our being we also protect that love the way we protect our outward loves too.

Over the past few days I went into 5 topics which I believe serve as pillars to self love. Boundaries, Advocation, Gratitude, Housekeeping and Feelings. Each of these are important alone and when we have all 5 sturdy and strong, we have self love. This post will be a comprehensive effort to explain how they amount to self love—feel free to go back and read them over if you haven’t for specific details on each. And always feel free to ask questions or discuss my ideas with me.

Developing the 5 pillars mentioned above are essential to healing and self love. I began with boundaries because that is often where (especially wounded) souls struggle the most. Simply being comfortable saying “no” is a powerful boundary. You are worthy of love and respect, even when you do not know you are worthy. Boundaries help protect you from being exhausted by those who take more than they give.

In line with your boundaries comes advocation for yourself. The willingness and courage to speak up for your well-being. The differences here being that boundaries can be unspoken and they protect from discomforts getting in, while advocation is having a voice about what you need and want in life. Learning how to speak up after staying silent has an empowering effect.

Living in gratitude is the glue to it all. When we are grateful for what we have, we stop looking at the world for what we lack. Happiness is not an external force, joy is grown inside our well-being. In gratitude we feel joy and love. Those who remain ungrateful also remain unhappy. It is not happy people who are grateful, it is grateful people who are happy.

Housekeeping and feelings go hand-in-hand, when we learn to honor our feelings we will naturally clean house. Those who benefited from you not having boundaries will not like their access being limited, build boundaries anyway. The journey is individual and the best anyone can do is offer advice or a compassionate ear, each individual has to do the internal work to heal. The more you heal the hurts from life the more you will feel love inside.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!