Salley's Mile ∞

Feelings

If you have spent most of your life bottling your feelings or suppressing yourself, the idea of feeling feelings may bring up an uneasy feeling. You’ve survived so long pretending these emotions don’t exist so you can just “push on” pretending everything is fine. And that’s worked ‘fine.’ Feelings are messy, no one wants to deal with that. Who even has the time? Am I right? It’s ok, you are safe to be a living emotion-filled human. We all are. Give yourself permission to feel (in private if you prefer), so you can heal.

Emotions are guides, they exist as part of our human defense mechanism. They alert us to discomforts (adrenaline) and assure us in our comforts (dopamine). Our task as adult humans is to get in touch with our feelings, honor our feelings and process our feelings. It is in feeling our feelings (processing) that we find healing. If you do not like how you feel, consider it is time for you to change. Cycles that are not broken continue to cycle the same.

We do not “get over” hurt by pretending it never happened, that is repression. Repressing your feelings will cause more harm than good. When feelings are repressed they bubble beneath the surface awaiting a time when they can resurface (be triggered), beckoning for you to feel them to heal them. You will have to feel, honor (know they’re valid) and process all your pains before you will find peace within. None of this is an easy task to take on and that alone will discourage many.

Unfortunately, there is also no one size fits all, “do this, that and this over here” to magically unlock your feelings box. This is something you have to explore and discover for yourself. No one else can heal you for you, no one else can feel your feelings for you. You have to discover and do the work for yourself. The resources online are abundant and each of us will find benefit in different methods. Follow what -feels- right for you.

There is strength in vulnerability and bravery in a persons willingness to face their own feelings. It requires a pointed degree of integrity, complete honesty with yourself and how you are feeling. A part of avoiding your feelings is denying they’re even real. Your feelings are real and they are valid, be brave enough to ask yourself why you feel what you feel and how you can better handle those feelings. Therapists can help, when you feel safe to trust them with the whole truth.

I have personally been trying to heal a lifetime of trauma with determination since 2018. I have seen one therapist or another since 2006. Disciplining myself to write daily is an act of self love for me—I feel empowered when I can empower others. You’re welcome to browse my posts to see if anything resonates with you, ask me questions or share your own knowledge too. I believe we all deserve better than the bare minimum.

Be well, sweet souls.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Housekeeping

No we’re not talking dishes and laundry, we’re talking about emotional housekeeping. The interior of your boundaries and who is allowed (and disallowed) through the front door. Healing and growing can only be sustained by limiting the amount of toxins you accept into your sacred space of well-being. Over time you may learn to tolerate more or less toxicity in your spiritual house, this is a personal preference. Stay within your own tolerations, the goal is to keep your well-being cleared of debilitating toxins like self loathing or seething vengeance.

Wanting to hurt yourself or others is a flashing neon red sign that your well-being is not ok. These emotions are telling you that you are so uncomfortable that you want someone to pay for it. It’s your objective to limit or eliminate contact with souls who bring these emotions up for you. Whether these emotions arise from a specific action or simply being in proximity to them, acknowledge your emotions, know they’re valid and allow yourself to take space from them. We are not required to hold everyone we know close, some souls were only ever meant to be acquainted not bonded—even our childhood family can have toxic members who are best loved from a safe distance.

Everyone is unique in who they are and what they prefer as an individual. In a world of nearly 8 billion and growing, it’s ok to walk away from those folks who’ve been making you feel like crap every time you interact. There isn’t value in a one-sided relationship and you deserve to be valued. There are people in this world who like similar things and have similar views, you have to let go of the conflicting relationships to make room.

In some situations you are bound to those who are not good for you, be that family members or a co-parenting ex-partner. These situations will require you to lean heavily on your boundaries. While they may require access to your spiritual house, you can set rules. You are allowed to limit anyones access to you. You do not have to hate a person to enforce boundaries with a person. If your boundaries are fueled by hatred in these situations it’s probable you’re creating obstacles in vengeance, not boundaries in self-preservation.

You know you better than anyone ever will, even if you happen to feel lost sometimes. And if you know you’re behaving in ways that are harmful to yourself or others you can make a choice to change your behaviors. Is this a snap of the finger? Of course not. You have to notice your emotions, acknowledge them and choose which direction you want to take: more of the same or make changes. No one else can do this for you besides you. No one.

Learning that I had to be my own cheerleader, protector and provider took years. I believed that I was not worthy of care and support from the world because I did not care or support myself. And while you do not have to fully love yourself to find genuine love you do have to care about yourself to have boundaries and not fall prey to abusive souls (who are not healed). When I was able to care for myself by myself is when I began finding the souls who valued me as deeply as I’ve always deserved.

Gratitude

Make living in gratitude your daily attitude. It is not enough to say you are thankful and smile politely you -must- feel, in your spiritual being, the sense of complete gratitude. It is a warm and calm, gracious feeling. In doing this, you can live in appreciation for what you have. Also in doing this, you become more aware of the things in life that discomfort your feeling of well-being.

You will have to assess your feelings frequently, question how you’re feeling and be accountable to them. We choose how we approach everything all the time. When we feel an emotion and feed that emotion it becomes a mood that’s pervasive over time. If we stay in a mood long enough that becomes part of our character. Gratitude, kindness and even anger is a continual choice. It becomes who you are.

When we live without gratitude there are often feelings of resentment and comparison to others as being higher or lower than your self. This is a great disservice. In comparing with others you’re practicing devaluation either of yourself or of them for being lesser than the other. We are all living individual lives as a collective, only you know your own life and the same applies to everyone you know. All you know is what you’re shown. Compete only with your self.

Releasing yourself from the burden of outward competition is a way of helping you tap into an attitude of gratitude. You take yourself out of the devaluation cycle (putting you or others down for differences). You begin to see -you- more and deeply appreciate what you bring to the world. This brings up more self expression and internal well-being. Healing is changing from survival thinking to thriving thoughts and changing is not easy, it is worth it.

Change takes varying time, be patient. Always be gentle with yourself, speak to yourself with kind words. If you do not currently, make an effort to catch yourself and tell yourself “it’s ok” (may use any words to suit you, the goal being a redirect to gentle thoughts). Being gentle is not weak, you’ll see the power you feel on the other side of healing. Those who are negative believe too many lies—about themselves, about others, about life. Our behaviors are always our choice, choosing violence takes a piece of you with it.

Being insensitive is not helpful to anything. On the mirrored side, being hyper sensitive is also not helpful. Life is finding the balance. Our emotions are valid, they’re guidance and the goal is feeling your feelings so you can adjust your self to become your best being. I do not believe any soul -wants- to feel miserable and my blogs are me sharing what I have learned along the way trying to become less miserable. If it helps anyone then this blog has served its purpose to me.

Be well, sweet souls.

Forgiveness

I’ve been healing a literal lifetime of sexual assaults beginning at age 6 up until an incident at the end of 2018–I got determined to heal and be better. I’ve got so many valid reasons to be pissed off and vengeful, I spent a lot of time in that space–and isolated because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Existing with more peace, love and acceptance for myself and from others who DO value me is so monumentally better feeling than chasing after monsters who cannot see their own reflections.

Everyone talks about forgiveness is for you, not them. What’s less talked about is that you need to forgive yourself. In the process of shifting from victim to victor you have to acknowledge where you failed to protect yourself and forgive yourself—for not knowing, for staying longer than you ‘should’ have, for feeling all the hurt you feel now. Forgive yourself. You deserve to be set free from the burden you’ve carried all this time.

Forgiveness is not a one and done thing either. You do not sit solemnly and hum ‘I forgive thee’ and poof all that hurt and pain goes away. No. You change your entire way of thinking–over time. Trauma survivors have to unlearn their survival tactics in order to relearn their thriving traits. It is a healing journey because it takes time. That is also why learning to be gentle with yourself, speaking to yourself kindly are monumentally important skills to learn and practice.

If you do not make an effort to forgive yourself -or- them then you are likely to carry a want for revenge. That revenge is a piece of toxicity lodged in your being and if you feed it, it will grow. If you focus on vengeance over enough time then you will become the monster, seeking to hurt others in self-righteous justification. The unresolved anger creates bitterness in you. It’s like a toxic sludge that functions like quick sand and sucks you in to darkness.

Healing is a choice and it is challenging as fuck! I personally have several visits to various psychiatric wards around the nation during my years of vagabond living. I have wanted to give up, I had to fight and become determined to not feel broken and lost anymore. Forgiving myself and others for the hurt I’ve felt in my life has been a necessity for me to progress in my own healing journey.

I do believe that many look at forgiveness inaccurately. As if forgiving your violators means they’re off the hook and life goes back to the way it was as if nothing ever happened. No. That’s repression not forgiveness. It did happen. You can forgive the choices and protect your well-being by keeping a safe distance from those who would do you harm. Be your own protector, always.

Be well, sweet souls. 💛

If you struggle with symptoms of PTSD or identify with the neurodivergent community I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where our goal is to have a social space with human decency and civility as the standard. Shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors will be removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited! https://goodvybe.gg

Advocation

Speaking up for yourself does not come naturally for everyone and for those who’ve experienced trauma, you may have also been conditioned or directly told to stay quiet by your abuser(s). Learning to advocate for your own well-being is a very powerful tool in developing boundaries. Understand that your needs (even your wants) do matter, have value and deserve consideration. If there are compromises to be made, let them be made by choice not by coercion or control.

To begin feeling worthy of your own advocation and protection in the world, namely after trauma, start by noticing how you speak to yourself. What do you say internally when you make a mistake? “I’m such an idiot” or simply “I made a mistake, it’s ok” — how we speak to ourselves sets the tone for how we engage with the world. If -you- think you’re an idiot for making a mistake then how worthy do you feel of being acknowledged when you do things correctly? Like you finally did -something- right for a change, perhaps.

Calling yourself an idiot is just an example, your internal dialogue may be different. The detail to note is when your words to yourself are devaluing you, making you less than worthy. Even if you are clinically classifiable as an idiot, there’s no need to devalue your existence for being different. We accumulate these phrases throughout our life and the more we use them, the more we believe it’s true: I am an idiot. You are human and we all make mistakes, we are all imperfect.

It may seem a bit contradictory that a more gentle internal dialogue can help you better advocate for yourself, but it can. When you practice more self compassion and acceptance for who you are as a being in existence you’re able to recognize your worth. It is in recognizing your worth that you will become stronger in your will to advocate for your well-being. You do deserve to have your needs met and be shown consideration from others. And you can choose to excuse yourself from people, places or things that do not align with you.

A word of caution when developing boundaries and learning to advocate for your well-being. The world does not -owe- us anything. Yes you’re deserving of care and respect, yes you can advocate for yourself, no you cannot -expect- the world to cater to you. An expectation mentality fosters entitlement, not healthy boundaries. When a soul becomes entitled for compliance from others they begin to develop resentments and grievances with the world. Over time these negative feelings can become characteristics and lead to a lot more pain than peace for yourself and those around you.

We are all capable of choosing kindness, if we so choose. Many do not and may never desire developing their emotional intelligence in order to foster a gentler world and that’s ok. I personally believe we need the wars to appreciate the peace and I am actively aiming to share bits of things I’ve learned to help you find more peace, if you so choose. Nothing I share is backed by degrees or specific training on my part, I’ve simply been a psych patient since 2006 and I am sharing, to the best of my ability, tips and tricks that have helped me find more internal peace.

Be well, sweet souls.