Advocation

Speaking up for yourself does not come naturally for everyone and for those who’ve experienced trauma, you may have also been conditioned or directly told to stay quiet by your abuser(s). Learning to advocate for your own well-being is a very powerful tool in developing boundaries. Understand that your needs (even your wants) do matter, have value and deserve consideration. If there are compromises to be made, let them be made by choice not by coercion or control.

To begin feeling worthy of your own advocation and protection in the world, namely after trauma, start by noticing how you speak to yourself. What do you say internally when you make a mistake? “I’m such an idiot” or simply “I made a mistake, it’s ok” — how we speak to ourselves sets the tone for how we engage with the world. If -you- think you’re an idiot for making a mistake then how worthy do you feel of being acknowledged when you do things correctly? Like you finally did -something- right for a change, perhaps.

Calling yourself an idiot is just an example, your internal dialogue may be different. The detail to note is when your words to yourself are devaluing you, making you less than worthy. Even if you are clinically classifiable as an idiot, there’s no need to devalue your existence for being different. We accumulate these phrases throughout our life and the more we use them, the more we believe it’s true: I am an idiot. You are human and we all make mistakes, we are all imperfect.

It may seem a bit contradictory that a more gentle internal dialogue can help you better advocate for yourself, but it can. When you practice more self compassion and acceptance for who you are as a being in existence you’re able to recognize your worth. It is in recognizing your worth that you will become stronger in your will to advocate for your well-being. You do deserve to have your needs met and be shown consideration from others. And you can choose to excuse yourself from people, places or things that do not align with you.

A word of caution when developing boundaries and learning to advocate for your well-being. The world does not -owe- us anything. Yes you’re deserving of care and respect, yes you can advocate for yourself, no you cannot -expect- the world to cater to you. An expectation mentality fosters entitlement, not healthy boundaries. When a soul becomes entitled for compliance from others they begin to develop resentments and grievances with the world. Over time these negative feelings can become characteristics and lead to a lot more pain than peace for yourself and those around you.

We are all capable of choosing kindness, if we so choose. Many do not and may never desire developing their emotional intelligence in order to foster a gentler world and that’s ok. I personally believe we need the wars to appreciate the peace and I am actively aiming to share bits of things I’ve learned to help you find more peace, if you so choose. Nothing I share is backed by degrees or specific training on my part, I’ve simply been a psych patient since 2006 and I am sharing, to the best of my ability, tips and tricks that have helped me find more internal peace.

Be well, sweet souls.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Boundaries

I would consider this a pillar in self care. Perhaps I’ll put more thought into that concept and create some visual for another blog post. For now, lets go over some basics of boundaries. Developing boundaries has been a particularly challenging task for me, as I have been told, it’s tough for others too. When your life has been so hard focused on pleasing the people around you in order to feel safe and secure, boundaries may feel like you’re being inconsiderate.

“Disappoint as many people it takes to not disappoint yourself” is a quote from Glennon Doyle that is forever engrained in my mind. I was fortunate to be recommended her book ‘Untamed’ and hear this quote during a time when I had what can be called penetrable boundaries. Yes, I was learning how to speak up for myself and acknowledge when I didn’t feel comfortable. I was also feeling very guilty for speaking up and confessing my discomfort.

I’ve come to learn that my penetrable boundaries were allowing people close to me who did not give my well-being the care I deserved. I felt guilty because they did not want me to have boundaries, they benefited most when I had none. Developing boundaries -will- lead some people to lose interest in you because your boundaries prevent them from fulfilling their own agendas with you. Develop boundaries anyway. Your personal well-being matters.

Step one to developing your own boundaries is acknowledgement to your discomforts. Notice when you feel anxious, unsafe or agitated. Analyze where that feeling is coming from, why you are feeling that way and what you could do to better protect your internal well-being. Our emotions exist to protect us, developing boundaries means developing your awareness to how you’re feeling and what brings those feelings up for you.

Enforcement of boundaries is a task of its own and this will come with continued practice. Once you have an awareness of your emotions you can begin developing ways to protect your well-being. Either verbally expressing the discomfort and asking for an alternative or walking away from the situation are part of boundary development. The world is unlikely to cater to us and sensitive souls will especially have difficulties here, it’s ok. While this is challenging, when you are able to effectively enforce your boundaries you will feel empowered and safe in your own being–which we all deserve to feel.

Maintaining boundaries is where things will get a bit more tricky. There are souls in this world who will push, poke and prod at you with all efforts to break through your boundaries. It is important that you continuously honor your own well-being and become the enduring protector of you. Yes, it will be challenging and there may be times that you fail, someone gets through and hurts you. Continue to persevere. You deserve the protection of confident boundaries. The confidence of them will grow in time as you grow with them.

Many of us are not taught concepts of self care and a person with strong boundaries is often remarked as being difficult or stubborn. Be difficult and stubborn. We are given no guarantees in this life beyond the reality that this life comes to an end. Living in discomfort is not deserving to any soul and it is time we all learn about and develop our self care. When we’re able to better care for our self we can better care for others and those who care for you will not be offended by your boundaries, they will respect your well-being.

Be well, sweet souls.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

The Label Games

“Labels are for soup cans” was said to me during a time in my life where I’d become obsessed by the labels I’d been given, what they meant and what it said about me to be labeled. The somewhat bothersome thing about vocabulary is that words have meaning and we use these labels to help us better understand and make meaning of complex situations. Merely existing is complex, even for a minimalistic human being. We are full of emotions and impulses that left unchecked can ruin lives.

In the midst of the 2020 pandemic hatred for fellow man began to skyrocket. I do not have a chart or statistics to validate this assertion, I’m going off the rioting and overall cancel culture that began during this time. Along with the wearing of masks, vaccines and polarities over everything. Not only did everyone isolate for bodily health, many began isolating for psychological health (myself included). Everything has a branding, a label and a ‘side’ to choose. It’s dangerous.

I can and will only ever -know- my own experience in this existence. So before I go into anything further, I am a naturally blonde, blue eyed woman. I was born in southern Louisiana (Acadiana) and I personally make judgements on the way a person behaves, not their exterior or inherited factors. At 17 I enlisted into the U.S. Army and I have traveled the world. I have met and sat in conversation with people from various nations and religious backgrounds — I love humanity and I love meeting new human beings.

Unfortunately, many in this world are so filled with insecurities and fears (often from childhood, that even this mention will cause eyes to roll in denial) that I do not have the opportunity to -meet- them because their introduction to me is judgment and criticism to which my boundaries respond with distancing. I am not here to convince anyone of anything, this blog as a whole is my effort to share what I have learned while learning how to heal my own childhood and lifetime traumas.

Evolution implies growth and progress from what existed before. In the age of a world wide web of connections we have a unique opportunity to learn and grow across contents from the comfort of our home. Unfortunately, the virtual community devolved rapidly into race wars, narcissists vs empaths, pornography and projected hatreds with the delusion of anonymity. This opportunity has become an addiction of virtual validation for many. Hurt souls entice and encourage more toxicity and less compassion for our unified struggles in existence.

Have conversations with each other and grow. If you cannot converse with a person then let them go on their way, they’re not ready for the conversation and it’s ok. We do not all have to sit at the same dinner table and there’s no need to scrutinize how someone else set their table. We each evolve in our own time. I understand there are oppressors, I understand humans were fucked up in the past, I understand a lot of humans are still fucked up today, I understand our ancestors made decisions that seemed like good ideas at the time, I understand the monumental sacrifices were made for YOU to be here now. Be here now. We are in a technological era where Google is considered research. Meet people today, meet people now. Be angry for the unjust that was not deserved and be better than it.

Those who behave unjustly are deserving of being held accountable. Speak up, have a voice and develop your boundaries. If guilty parties are never brought to justice then it becomes a looming darkness overhead to this thing that remains unsolved, unresolved. And that thing will fester and grow, churning in your gut with disgust. This is how trauma works.

Generational trauma are all those ideals that got passed down and continue to poison well-being today, the toxicities that shame, blame and devalue differences. Change begins within. Wait as long as you’d like, you can either change yourself, heal yourself and progress or continue to be angry at the world for your stress. Argument is not where change happens, it’s in sincere and authentic discussion.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Go Inside

Growth and self acceptance are a journey because it is looking at YOU with authenticity, removing the society-colored glasses of who you ought to be. Having the willingness to get determined about making changes for betterment and maintaining the discipline to be better today than you were yesterday. Emotions are fleeting, sometimes addicting—like any other high can be. Management and moderation are key. Meditation helps you manage your psyche. It’s like an internal training arena for patience. Do you get frustrated that you’re not focused or do you refocus to stay with your breath.

Whatever your religious or spiritual alignment, meditation is all internal. If you’re a theist, during ‘meditation’ sit silently and speak to your deity. If you’re an atheist, simply have a conversation with yourself internally. Doing this allows for a few things. First, you’re dedicating time in your day to simply exist in your own body. In guided meditation it often begins by telling you to find a comfortable position and consciously focus on your breath—this helps your mind slow down those 500 thoughts.

The most opportune time to begin practicing meditation is in the privacy of your own home, allowing yourself to find a quiet space to just sit for about 5 minutes whenever possible. Many people get frustrated that it’s ‘not working’ because their mind is still thinking 500 thoughts. Meditation takes practice and dedication, if it’s new to you then it will take time to unlearn the go-go-go mode your brain has survived on. Focusing on the breath is so commonly advised because your breathing is constant and it is a practice in mindfulness. Be mindful of your breath, focus on your breath.

When we give focus to the breath we can begin to let go of our focus on those other thoughts bouncing around. Guided meditations are great for starting out because the guide will remind you to come back to focusing on your breath. The power of google puts so many options at your fingertips. With all things in life you can take what works for you and leave the rest alone. None of us know all of the answers, we may know some. Be gentle and patient with yourself while you learn.

Resistant to meditation? Believe “It’s just some hippie shit.” Well, if your own time consists of toxicity; anger, resentments, sorrow and judgments then that is what you’re creating in your life. You do not have to believe me, you can hold your ‘hogwash’ theory about it. Although, there’s no harm in trying and millions of people around the world are beginning to embrace this internal key to a successful and joy-filled life. Doesn’t that sound inviting?

You may think, “But I don’t WANT to feel my feelings” and I’m going to suggest that subconsciously you do. You’ve become so comfortable in your pain that it feels like your identity. You have spent so much time feeling mad or sad or bitter that it feels like those emotions make up parts of your being. Who are you without suffering? It could be fascinating to discover, if you have the courage.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Marijuana

As of January 2022 Louisiana has dispensaries with medical marijuana options! We are still babies in the grand scheme of marijuana legality and I personally hope for the day when federal legalization allows us to all freely benefit from this amazing plant. For 12 years I dutifully tried the man-made pharmaceutical options to treat my PTSD symptoms and I found that I would inevitably lose myself. Yes, I was calm and palatable for society, no outbursts or erratic behaviors. I was turned into a heavily drugged zombie and when I reported a side effect for this pill there was another pill to counteract it.

I have used thc for my PTSD symptoms and it is hands down the best method of dealing with my issues without losing myself. I find it’s effective and I smoke daily, properly as a medical patient in Louisiana since their release of PAX in 2021. They began with tinctures and I found them to be unpredictable, I would dose myself with a few droplets of a tincture and feel the effects sporadically, sometimes a full hour later. The PAX was a reasonable alternative as it did allow for on-the-spot treatment of pain, anxiety and invasive thoughts.

I’ve often described the consumption of marijuana to folks who believe it’s just some hooligan drug as this: Imagine I’m in a field with you and while we’re walking I become paranoid about the snakes in the grass, approaching sheer panic that I’m going to be bit and die from a snake. Then, I smoke a little marijuana and we’re in this same field but I’m now focused on how pretty the flowers are all around us. It changes how the psyche operates. Unlike most drugs, if marijuana is effective at treating your symptoms your worst side effect is likely to be munchies and possibly weight gain from that.

In comparison to other drugs on the market it truly is a superior option (in my opinion). The studies and varied uses of marijuana has grown drastically over the years. This is not only smoking a plant anymore. Today, there are tinctures, distillates, edibles, crumble, shatter, dabs, the list goes on. If you’re smoking, lung issues can be a concern same as the concern exists with cigarettes (though far less due to fewer additives). There are even options for pills or suppositories with thc so the risk of lung damage is no longer a risk. If you’re searching for solutions to pain, psyche or even parkensens! Try thc. You may be surprised how well it works.

I know a lot of folks have their opinions about ‘stoners’ and I am not remotely ashamed to find something that works for my laundry list of symptoms. The labels I’ve been assigned to date are extensive and I have not taken pharmaceuticals faithfully since attempting suicide with klonopin and alcohol in winter 2017. For a good amount of time I was (allegedly) going to the streets for thc so that I could feel less unhinged. Unfortunately for me dealing with dealers means dealing with people who do not recognize the medical benefits and nuances of the plant to help, they’re just trying to make a sale.

Even with my awareness to my personal circumstances and the reasons why I am the way I am, I am still me. My moods swing and my physical pains flare up. Smoking has allowed me to manage my symptoms without using the 6+ pharmaceutical pills that the professionals wanted me to take–which didn’t seem to manage anything. I recognize the recreational use of thc that exists and pose the argument that even recreationally marijuana is a better option than what alcohol often provides–and it’s been legally wrecking lives. People who are stoned are more often than not, relaxed.

Now for a momentary disclaimer, whichever your drug of choice: these are numbing agents. Drugs help us cope with our struggles in existence. I have known folks who do -not- do well on thc, straight into a paralyzed paranoia with one pull and for those consumers I would not recommend torturing yourself that way. Find what works for you, none of us are identical in mind or body. This is what works for me.

Furthermore, alongside your drugs of choice, be sure to build your own support group. That can be made of a therapist, a close friend or someone you look up to. Existence can be exhausting and we do not have to travel the road alone. Marijuana is a tool not an all out cure! Please do all that you can to be better. You deserve it.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!