Tough Love: Victimhood

There is no other way to approach this than with tough love. When a person -believes- they are a victim it effectively traps their psyche in this unescapable cage. Taking on the blame, believing you were so foolish to allow this or feeling angry because they violated you. These modes of thinking only serve to stagnate you. Your life will revolve around this pain -until- you can learn how to heal it. Yes, you were a victim of wrong-doing in the past. You are not a victim today, you are healing. Or you could begin healing. For some the struggles may be lifelong and we can learn healthier ways to cope.

Obstacles in life are to be expected, being alive means weighing the balance of memories you cherish and struggles you’d much rather forget. Unfortunately, the painful moments in life can sometimes be more sticky than the quality times. The incredible thing is that we can teach our brains to focus on anything. Through practice and determination for change we are capable of experiencing a negative moment and accepting the truths of the situation so that the impact becomes less severe.

This is not to say that negative moments will not impact you, no human being feels positive about enduring a traumatic event. Of course, there is numbing and disassociation as survival skills, I’d really like to encourage that y’all learn some thriving skills. We know we cannot change the past and we know that history can repeat itself. The task here is rewriting the narrative. Yes, what you experienced was earth-shattering and traumatic. You did not deserve that anguish in your life. You do deserve your own care and love to heal that hurt. You deserve to continue forward and release yourself from that trauma so you can someday live a more joyful life.

Trauma and the physical affects of it are being studied continuously, there’s belief that these life-changing events manifest in our bodies as disease. When it comes to mental struggles it’s a lot of solitary, internal work that has to be done. This is why remaining in victimhood will stagnate your life in that sludge of woes. First and foremost we have to want the changes for there to be any hope of progress. Secondly a trained professional with studies in psychology to help you process your emotions in a safe and informed environment are monumental. If you prefer a shaman or life coach, that’s ok too — the necessity is processing pain with someone who will listen with compassion.

There are also medications and alternative medicines that may assist in lessening your symptoms. Find professionals you trust, be honest with how you’re struggling and how you’re coping. As a long-term psych patient I feel compelled to take this moment to encourage self-advocation when navigating our psychiatric system. You must have an awareness of why you need outside help. Drug pushing and careless providers are a genuine risk when pursuing professional help.

Trust your own intuition, honor if you feel safe or not. A good provider, even if you confess discomfort, will take the time to talk with you to understand your hesitations and clarify any questions you have. If you’re not comfortable and they seem unsupportive, you have every right to walk away. Providers are there to provide not to pressure their patients into things they’re not comfortable about. You know you better than any other soul in the world. Release yourself from being a victim and fight for your victory — life is shorter than you believe.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Poetry Collection One

These 5 poems are inspired by a life event, a profound image or simply a leaf found in nature. The associated images are pulled from the internet to add visual factors to each poem. Enjoy!

leaves
Image by wallpapers-in-hd.com

Winter Days

With a colorful design
and lines so fine
A mass of wonder rise up tall
We take in the world as we fall.
One by one to the ground
Barely making any sound
Silent on the ground we lay
Where little creatures come out to play.
They nip and nibble as we fade.
Slowly changing to a new shade.
One part green, One part brown
Carefully blending with the ground.
As in life, we grow old
The edges of us begin to fold.
With time young beauty fades,
But we remember the cool winter days.

 

long-distance-relationship-advice
Image by lifehack.org

Chancer

People wonder – how can a long-distance relationship last?
How do you know if things are going “too fast”?
If you had the chance to do it all again…
Would you still stand tall through to the end?

Of course… these questions are a little hard to answer,
I guess you could say that it takes a ‘chancer’.
Someone who’s willing to take a chance.
Someone who’s not afraid to go out and dance.
They stand tall because they’re filled with pride.
A true chancer is never given a reason to hide.
They are the people that have nothing to fear.
To them life is something that should be worked on, right now.. right here.

Of course, Everyone has a personal view.
Of course, Everyone knows ‘just what to do’.
But, those who are willing to take the chance,
Those that don’t fear a little romance.
The people we call a true blue chancer.
Those people know the true answer.
The key.. to rising above,
Just believe, and accept… pure love

dragonwoman
Image by desktopnexus.com

Grand Protector

In the woods away from our world.
A mighty dragon lay asleep.
Protecting his queen – peacefully curled.
Dare an enemy to creep,
Upon his majesty’s pleasant slumber.
Her grand dragon shall awake.
A roar as loud as mighty thunder,
Makes the bare ground quake.
Brave Enemy – this is your fate.
Defeat these flames of glory.
Taken by fear – his sword drawn too late.
And this brings the end of our story.
The enemy defeated – now danger is gone.
Her majesty returns to sleep.
The enemy’s sword no longer worn.
Now a sword for the dragon to keep.

 

touch
Image by doctordisruption.com

Sweet Touch

A young lady sneaks into a dark room.
She lights a row of candles.
The flickering light ingresses the gloom.
She carefully slips out of her sandals.
Laying back on the soft, warm bed,
She stares up at the ceiling.
Hearing something lowly said.
Suddenly indulging a distinct feeling,
She rises wearily, looking ahead.
With a smile, she greets her lover.
Lying beside her on the bed.
Carefully tugging down the cover.
They lay back as their kisses flow.
With their clothing disappearing.
Resting back on a soft white pillow.
Their passion now fiercely searing.
Down her lovers hands glide,
Passing her every curve.
Gently squeezing at her side,
Exciting her every nerve.
Sweet moans fill the night air.
and she arches into her love.
Being carefully caressed here and there.
Now burning passion soaring high above.
Going beyond even Gods heaven.
Carefully weaving their fingers together.
They hear the clock strike eleven.
Quietly her love whispers “forever”
Down her neck, sweet kisses lay.
She squeezes the hands of her lover.
Begging that they stay.
As they glide beneath the cover.

 

horizon
Image by horizonaward.org

New Horizon

As the sun slips away,
you know your day has ended.
In the wind trees sway.
All your wounds can be mended.

Everyone’s life has its ups and downs.
As you walk along the fading trail.
Remember the ups, don’t mope around.
With joy you cannot fail.

When life is getting rough,
give it a smile.
Show it that you’re tough,
and getting stronger by the mile.

As the moon lights the night sky,
and you curl into your bed.
Think of the things gone by,
let the day course through your head.

Remember the things of delight,
Those things that made you proud
Follow the trail toward the light,
Don’t fall in with the crowd

When life is getting rough,
give it a smile.
Show it that you’re tough,
and getting stronger by the mile.

As the sun peaks over the ocean,
and you awake for another day.
give a moment of devotion,
and take a look forward, in the best way.

When you look farther in the distance,
Only happiness should you see.
There should be no resistance,
This trail lets you be who you want to be.

When life is getting rough,
give it a smile.
Show it that you’re tough,
and getting stronger by the mile.

Look out on your new horizon, my friend.
and know that it is true.
No longer would you have to pretend.
For you are great, just being you.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Slut Shaming, Kinks & Consent

According to outsiders, I’ve been a whore or a slut since I was eight because boys bragged about bedding me and I was shamed for it. Thanks assholes. The reality is that I was molested at age 6 by a neighbor boy and developed curiosity about sex before I even knew its purpose, I was a child. The neighbor confessed his molestation of me as an adult, seeking my forgiveness. He later proceeded to cup his hand over my vagina in prayer to heal the pain of my past sexual assaults. While his intentions may have been well-meaning his actions only added to the tally of shit someone did to me in entitlement of my being without care for my consent in the matter.

If all parties are of mature age and have the cognitive faculty to be aware of the situation; kink on kinksters! There’s nothing wrong with varied sexuality or exploring sexual kinks, we are sexual creatures — we fuck because it feels amazing, not only to have babies. However, if you do not have consent or you manipulate a person out of their boundaries to get what you want then it becomes sexual assault. Period. You are violating that person by doing what you want without regard for their well-being. Lives are devastated (some ended) behind selfish acts without consent.

I’ve personally experienced unwanted sexualizing and rape within my own family as a female and the number of women who would read that and think ‘me too’ is heartbreaking. I am incredibly fortunate for my ability to endure and practice ways to process my emotional trauma wounds. Though I have had times in my life where death seemed much more inviting than living in lies. Those who were meant to protect me told me to remain silent about their violations of me and to this day are not accountable. I’m dramatic and crazy to think it’s not OK for family to fuck with me sexually. Ok.

Sexuality itself is natural, encouraging the sexualization of minors or family members is notably taboo and increasingly present in porn sites. I believe this flooding of ‘taboo’ content compounds a fundamental issue in society creating this subconscious idea that these acts are acceptable as a kink. Even though we recognize they’re ‘taboo’ seeing it so readily online makes it appear commonplace (yes, I know they’re actors — the idea of it is still present). If your kink VIOLATES a persons sense of well-being that’s not a kink, that’s a problem.

A woman embracing her sexuality is not a slut or a whore, we are not default sexual objects because a patriarchal society believes we ‘ought be so grateful anyone wants to fuck us.’ We deserve love and care from our partners. If you’re not looking for love or commitment; either be upfront about it so the woman has a choice to consent to friends with benefits OR you can utilize the plethora of sex work services to satisfy your desires without using and abusing every woman you find attractive. We are human beings, not commodities.

Women, you are worthy of the same love and respect you give. We are not free to mistreat men and hide behind excuses either. Men do not exist to serve us any more than we exist to sex them. Everyone matters and everyone deserves care and compassion. If you cannot give your romantic partner support, either because you’re hurt or it just isn’t how you operate — communicate the truth. Be adults and have authentic conversations to make informed choices in life.

We are all emotion-filled beings and your inability to respect a persons boundaries is an issue. No soul on this earth is deserving of being violated or abused. It is not being “too sensitive” to say that you are uncomfortable about anything, feelings are valid and deserve acknowledgement. Can feelings be irrational? Absolutely. That’s why consent is key and conversation can clarify confusions.

I’d love to have conversations about this with others as I acknowledge my own past experiences have influence on my beliefs. Personally, I cannot indulge in watching incest porn for pleasure because I become physically ill the moment I hear family titles, immediate mood killer. The audio of intimacy is what helps me achieve my goal and I know each porn consumer has their own preferences. I believe that porn and other forms of sex work are an asset that’s also unjustly shamed when it truly is the more responsible avenue for releasing sexual tensions with consent for a cost. Better than using, abusing and destroying lives for your sexual pleasures.

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Virtually Aware

Socializing online creates this “public spaces” dynamic from a private setting that few are accustomed to and that’s why, I believe, the virtual world has so much toxicity. In the past the internet was more comparable to an elites club, only those who could afford to connect would be online. Today, the internet is booming. Everyone who is anyone has social media now. Hell, influencers online is an actual career path that can be incredibly lucrative. It’s so affordable and convenient to connect, you can use your phone from anywhere to tap in to this virtual community. Friends, family, peers. Everyone is here.

When this was a less accessed space, a fake name and some bullshitting you “could be anyone” and the concept of being anonymous ‘so who cares’ began. Truthfully you are not anonymous at all, but that’ll be another conversation. The virtual community of the web world wide is in pandemonium and ‘k*** yourself’ culture has emerged, where people are challenging each other to verbally abuse strangers online until suicides happen in real time, live on camera. So few are even aware of how dark this virtual world can become.

I have socialized online in one form or another since 1996 and I’ve first-hand witnessed society change through the lens of this virtual world. The social media platforms have all encouraged over-sharing and under-caring in so many, doing it all for the validation without human consideration. That’s not to devalue the moments of connection and compassion you may experience while socializing with peers here. Everything is a balance.

From my perspective, the internet has contributed to a societal desensitization and a greater devaluation of human kind on a grand scale. Everything can be solved or researched online, what value are real life people? While we are communal creatures and we do in fact need people to be a whole, healthy and happy human. We need people who support us and encourage our betterment so we can feel validated in our efforts to pursue betterment. No one needs to be devalued or ridiculed — that hurtful act comes from inside the person hurling insults, they are hurt in some way.

I often recite the phrase ‘hurt people hurt people’ because I believe it is a simple truth. When I am feeling happy or contented I am not overly concerned with others, I will go with the flow. When I am feeling insecure or unhappy I will take offenses quickly and possibly become aggressive to preemptively defend myself from the world adding additional stress to my day. This is human nature and self preservation tactics that do not always serve us.

Winter of 2018 I got determined about loving myself and making healthier choices for my life. I also stopped visiting places and people who did not make me feel good. Going from a mindset of seeking validation from the world into seeking validation from myself has been its own journey. I believe I have made great strides of progress and I know for a fact I hit my share of backslides too. Even this blog is a part of my efforts to express my experience in the hopes it can help another soul navigating the same obstacles feel they’re not alone.

It’s not easy to put caring kindness in front of everything, even the ways you treat yourself. Society has conditioned us all to believe we ‘have the right to remain silent’ and I am only now learning and accepting that I have a right to be me as much as everyone else has a right to be them. Everyone matters, if we don’t care for each other: who will?

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!

Sit with Shit

In 2015 I ‘retired’ from the 9-5 grind. I filed for and obtained disability for my chronic PTSD symptoms that were exacerbated further by sexual violations during military service. It didn’t stop there, I continued to have a series of unwanted circumstances in my life up until the end of 2018, which taught me a fundamental lesson in accepting people for who they are and not expecting to be treated the same way that I treat others, else I may find myself frustrated and downright furious.

Around my birthday in July 2021, I had an eruption of hurt emotions that I unleashed in distressed monologues via a group text message to my immediate family. Years of feeling silenced, ignored and under valued emerged from my being in sincere and pointed accusation along with my declaration to obtain my precious sense of freedom. I’ll spare the intimate details, the cut and dry is that I ran away at 17 to serve the U.S. Army and 36 me now understands why I chose to run.

Some folks simply don’t want to have the tough conversations. It’s understandable, they’re tough conversations and seldom held in comfort. There are culpable minds who avoid their treasons at all costs to not sit with shit, that would mean being accountable to fault. Generations of “brush it under the rug” in humanity has conditioned many into believing this is ‘just the way it is’ and I am here today to call out: bullshit.

Clear communication and mutual respect are HUGE factors in human growth. Every healthy relationship I cherish today attests to this assertion. Shame, blame and devaluation are destructive choices, to be unaware of this is to be unkind to others. Today, I am privileged with the awareness and ability to walk away from those who choose to treat me unkindly. Learning to walk away is the beginning of boundary setting for your own well-being after living as a people pleaser.

The ticket to healing is feeling our feelings, we have to sit with shit. Whether or not you muster the courage to sit with those who’ve endured your shit or you are doing your best to overcome shit that someone else put on you; feel your feelings. We do not effectively ‘get over it’ when we try to ignore our feelings of discomfort. Ignoring our feelings results in avoidance and repression; not resolutions. And when our shit stays unresolved, we develop anger, resentment and bitterness that poisons our interpersonal relationships when our hurt is not remotely their fault.

How To Sit With Shit:

  • Sit in silence.
    • eyes closed or open, whichever feels comfortable
  • Intimately analyze the whole shitty situation:
    • What happened?
    • Who was involved?
    • Did you have (dis)interest about the situation?
  • Honor your feelings as they surface.
    • Do not blame yourself
    • Acknowledge wrong-doings (theirs and yours)
    • Cry, scream, laugh — release the emotions
  • Assign accountability
    • note what you can learn from this situation, what you can change to better your life now
    • accept the parts of the situation you never controlled were not caused by you

[This is a simple concept that is monumentally difficult to embody and may take many attempts to benefit, may not work for you at all, patience and practice are the only way to find out. Good luck.]

If you identify with the neurodivergent community, would appreciate an adult space with a focus on support and betterment, I’d like to invite you to check out my discord server! Where shame, blame and devaluation are discouraged while compassion and personal growth are encouraged. The server is designated mature (18+) and minors are promptly removed. Multiple categories allow Members to decide what sort of content they’d like to see from the server using selections in the #about-you channel after joining. You’re invited!